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From West Texas, with Love
Howdy from the Chinati Mountains in West Texas. It’s an affable time in this otherwise barren part of the Southwest.
Wildflowers bloom. Rain-carrying clouds gather quickly, and scatter just as rapidly. The winds slightly push screen doors open and release the screech of rusted, ancient springs.
And the wildlife doesn’t yet need the comfort of shade from rarely occurring cedar trees.
I’m quite fortunate this morning to be on the grand and gorgeous Mesquite Ranch, owned by the Friedrich family of Houston, Texas. The son of the founders of this ranch, Aziz Friedrich, is a friend and creative collaborator.
It’s a sacred place to Aziz and now to me, for in the fall I’ll return here to direct my first feature film, ‘Grillo’ — the Spanish word for cricket. The synopsis for those that are interested:
After the death of his mother, a failed Austin businessman must take up residence in West, Texas to fight the federal government’s attempt for eminent domain on his family’s border ranch. After the biblical infestation of seasonal crickets, and a drug addiction relapse, he begins to suffer from insomnia. His sleepless nights lead to grand discoveries, including the role his family continues to play in an underground network to smuggle immigrants from Mexico into the United States.
Since the fall of 2022, I’ve prioritized filmmaking above all of my creative and business pursuits. Primarily the output of my dedication to film has been through the release of 20 or so YouTube mini films.
Our first release on that channel was March 16th, 2023.
In that year, we’ve accomplished very little in terms of growth and amassing an audience. Fortunately this was never the expectation, nor the intention.
My team and I would be quite pleased with more subscribers, more views… Nonetheless, we’re fortunate to have starved the ego and fed the soul with creation for the sake of creating.
In the bio of the mills mcqueen YouTube channel are two simple words: “Filmmaking practice”.
I’m quite displeased with many of the films we’ve uploaded to that channel. There are inconsistencies in sound, color, and picture quality I must have noticed before pressing ‘upload’ that now cause me to convulse in disappointment.
And yet, I did recognize these issues prior to deciding they were ready to be released to the 300 people that watch (although ‘This Is Being an Entrepreneur’ has 2.3k views in 14 days).
I strive for perfection, yet settle for something less than. It’s a paradox, and I justify the less than great by adhering to an arbitrary release cadence.
So films that are okay are released to maintain a completely contrived sense of accomplishment by checking a box that reads, “Release a Film.”
When I lay awake in bed at night I consider how different my present is from the future I imagined as a child, or a young adult.
I made films in high school. I made films in my 20s. Nothing of note, and some that never left a hard drive. Nonetheless, it was practice for what I believe is my definite purpose in life: to tell stories that inspire, change, and challenge perspectives and ideologies.
There are far fewer things that are greater than a well-told story.
With this belief in mind, I spend most of my available hours attempting to improve as a storyteller and a filmmaker.
And I can’t improve without releasing the films that I spend 100 hours making. For if I don’t release the 100 hour film, then I create a precedent that will make it okay for me to hoard the ten thousand hour film — of which I will make many.
Thank you for letting me sit with you.
– mills
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